When I Watch You
This image can be found at: http://upload.moldova.org/movie/movies/s/sex_lies_and_videotape/thumbnails/tn2_sex_lies_and_videotape_3.jpg.
This was written for the new Read Write Poem Prompt this week – to write a poem using “when I watch you”, the first line of Lucille Clifton’s poem, “miss rosie”. I shut my eyes as the prompt instructed…and I ended up getting inside the head of Graham Dalton from the film “Sex, Lies, and Videotape”. Enjoy.
-Nicole
when I watch you
I see my failures
speaking to me
you are one of many
in a chain of women laid end to end
captured on videotape
I carry these ghosts with me
though alive in flesh they all
remind me of a love that died
because I lied
and I’ve crucified
myself ever since
you are nothing like your sister
you glow from my t.v. monitor
the light casts blue-white color onto my feet
as I watch you spill your sexual secrets
in private playback
they remind me of
what I can never have again
because I lied
so I wear my video camera as a mask
because I am not brave
and I am afraid I never will be
but you are brave
cynthia bishop
Written 6/4/08
© 2008 Nicole Nicholson. All Rights Reserved.
kind of like the way i hide behind my words,, is the first thing that comes to my mind… i really enjoyed this.. i do believe i have seen that movie at some point in time,, but i am thinking i might have to add it to my netflix for a refresher…..
Thanks for commenting. I think truthfully we can find anything to hide behind, just like we can turn anything into an idol. Sometimes I’ve hidden behind my words. Many time in my life, I’ve hidden behind an image. It’s painful when whatever you’re hiding behind is stripped away and you’re exposed, naked – but I believe it’s a growth moment that needs to happen at least once in everyone’s lives.
Thanks for sharing.
-Nicole
great piece. love that stanza “i am not brave and i am afraid i never will be.” i agree with your comment above; we can find anything to hide behind or idolize. hmm now i’m thinking about writing a poem about what i hide behind…
Thank you, and thanks for stopping by.
-Nicole
I love the way you play with the role of the “brave” one. It’s like the one with the camera is the object, the scared one, and the one being taped is the subject, the active, brave one. This made me think and I like doing that. Thanks
lying is not for the brave…
No, lying is certainly not for the brave. And yes, Nathan, this is a bit of an ideological reversal. We typically think of the one behind the camera as brave, seeking out his subjects…but the camera can just as easily be a disguise.
Thanks for the comments both of you.
-Nicole
the first stanza is quite strong and could even stand by itself!
The larger than life attracts us always…
rot
artpredator and gautami tripathy: Thanks for stopping by and leaving your comments. Glad you enjoyed this piece.
-Nicole
Very good, and the sadness comes through, deeply.
Thank you. It seems like when I watched the movie, the most obvious thing to me was his sadness.
-Nicole