Father
My Father
This poem was written for Scott Wood’s LiveJournal writing prompt (“Write a poem inserting the phrase: ‘I love you, but I can’t see you right now’”). The subject matter was partially inspired by the prompt on Simply Snickers, but the poem specifically for that prompt needs to be written still.
This was written as a modified Spenserian sonnet – in short, I misremembered the rhyme scheme, which is [abab bcbc cdcd ee] and wrote it with a rhyme scheme of [abab cbcb dbdb dd]. So perhaps I have created a Nicholsonian sonnet? 
It remains to be seen.
Anyway, enjoy.
-Nicole
——————————————————-
I love you, but I can’t see you right now.
You are an enigma from beyond the grave;
the facts of your life you never allowed
yourself to reveal. In order to save
your image and essence in my mental
hard drive, I stare at your photographs. They’ve
given me, though, no clue to your parental
absence. I have nothing else of you, save
those pictures, your legal paper trail, and
Mom’s and my memories; I am a slave
to stories passed to me like second-hand
clothing which I still sort through. I forgave
you, but I still need to know – who am I?
Decoding you is where my answers lie.
Written 6/9/08
© Nicole Nicholson. All Rights Reserved.
that was excellent.. i too have a father i have never met,, but his name is and always has been a dirty word.. so chances are i will never know anything about him but his name,, and a fleeting vision of a once seen picture,, that was destroyed shortly there after… i wonder always,,, who i am….
Actually, I did know my father, for the first eleven years of my life. The problem is, he was very secretive about himself – his life, his thoughts, and his feelings – so it’s almost as if I never met him.
-Nicole
This seems like it would be a difficult task on so many levels — form and subject matter. You do a good job with it. I really like your image of sorting through second hand stories.
…and I’m still sorting through the second hand stories. The sonnet form has been calling my name lately, so I listen and follow.
Thank you for reading and for your compliment.
-Nicole
A touching peek into both of your lives. In searching for answers about your father, what have you learned about yourself?
That I have inherited his tendencies to be paranoid, distrustful, and a loner. While being a loner is not necessarily a bad thing, you do need human contact to maintain your sanity, love, and receive much needed reality checks.
-Nicole