A Musician’s Warning
This is a rewrite of an older poem, “To The Musician”, and a poem written in response to the Read Write Poem Prompt #32: Reuse, Recycle, and Revise. I reworked the original piece into a pantoum. One request: please read the original at the link above before you read this version.
Enjoy.
-Nicole
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Wrap safety and caution around you;
your fingers caress the skin of a lover
just as easily as they caress
the thin steel strings of your instrument.
Your fingers caress the skin of a lover;
each one will beg to be played like
the thin steel strings of your instrument
until she sounds out orgasmic chords.
Each one will beg to be played like
a romantic search for the blue fifth note
until she sounds out orgasmic chords.
But I wonder – who is really playing who?
A romantic search for the blue fifth note
leads to many bedroom stages;
but I wonder – who is really playing who
in these one night only engagements?
Leads to many bedroom stages,
Innuendos in winks, smiles, and whispers;
in these one-night only engagements
they want your body – not your words or notes.
Innuendos in winks, smiles, and whispers,
the hands of adoring, one-night fans -
they want your body, not your words or notes.
They’ll steal a sweet moment, leaving nothing behind.
The hands of adoring one-night fans
just as easily as they caress,
they’ll steal a sweet moment, leaving nothing behind.
Wrap safety and caution around you.
Written 6/19/08
© 2008 Nicole Nicholson. All Rights Reserved.
this piece works inordinately well for having been written in form…
and this line in particular,, is a keeper: a romantic search for the blue fifth note…
bravo!!
And the blue fifth note is so elusive…just like seeing the perfect, romantic moment.
-Nicole
Beautiful. Much, much stronger in the revised form - the repetition creates a dreaminess and a feeling of this pattern being repeated over and over again, in a way he can’t escape. The “orgasmic chords” jarred a bit for me, I have to say - slighly labouring the sex/music link which mostly feels both clear and subtle the rest of the time.
It reminded me of a concert dedicated to the guitar that I went to several years ago- called “La illustre dama con cabello sonore” - the noble lady with the sonorous/resonant/musical hair!
Wow. Thanks for your honest assessment and the compliments. “To the Musician” was written four years ago. It’s amazing to find out how time and maturity changes everything, including writing and perspective.
-Nicole
A great revision. From the wonderful first stanza you can tell this is going to be a whole different piece. The images are focused and detailed and your use of the form is masterful it’s truly the canvas you paint on as it should be.
Thank you, Nathan! You’re making me blush…
I wanted a full exploration and a detailed warning instead of just a few words, and using the pantoum seemed to lead me in that direction as I wrote it.
This one seemed to be the one from the vaults that screamed for revision the most.
Thanks for stopping by…
-Nicole
The second version is a more controlled poem, more formal, and like a song. You have worked the pantoum to the poem’s advantage! What I like about the first poem is the way the narrator jumps into the metaphor of the guitar strings, wheras in the pantoum there is more of a distance with the use of the simile. So I guess I like both poems, the first for its immediacy, the second for it’s control of language.
Thank you, mariacristina. I didn’t expect that someone would like both of them, but I’m glad you did. Thanks for your details comments and for stopping by.
-Nicole
I really like this revision. It added depth to the focus of the piece. As mariacristina said, there is an immediacy in the original, which is engaging — but the second feels more complete.
“A romantic search for the blue fifth note
leads to many bedroom stages;
but I wonder – who is really playing who
in these one-night-only engagements?”
Especially well written, this stanza above.
I related strongly to this work, given the two decades (60’s & 70’s) I enjoyed as lead singer in several rock and roll bands. We loved our ‘ladies of the road’, oh yes we did…
Hello Rob:
Exactly. I felt the original needed more to tell the whole story. I’m glad you liked it. Incidentally, this was written with a composite man in mind: I was thinking of Slash from Guns N’ Roses and Jim Morrison when I wrote this piece. Ironically, I am drawn to musicians too - my first husband played keyboard/piano and my fiance plays anything that has a keyboard on it (organ, piano, accordion…).
Thanks for commenting and stopping by.
-Nicole
The pantoum is the perfect form for this and you use it to great effect. I really need to try a pantoum myself one day…
Strange that you were thinking of guns n’roses etc - for some reason the image in my mind was of a medieval troubadors travelling with his lyre! Says a lot about how avant garde my musical taste is!
Craft Green Poet: Thank you! I am honored by your compliment.
Lirone: Well, I think the metaphor works for any musician. I’ll bet medieval troubadors had groupies too.
Cheers,
Nicole