Comments on: A Musician’s Warning

By: ravenswingpoetry

ravenswingpoetry — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 16:54:36 +0000

Craft Green Poet: Thank you! I am honored by your compliment.

Lirone: Well, I think the metaphor works for any musician. I’ll bet medieval troubadors had groupies too.

Cheers,

Nicole

By: Lirone

Lirone — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:47:34 +0000

Strange that you were thinking of guns n’roses etc – for some reason the image in my mind was of a medieval troubadors travelling with his lyre! Says a lot about how avant garde my musical taste is!

By: Crafty Green Poet

Crafty Green Poet — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 17:08:48 +0000

The pantoum is the perfect form for this and you use it to great effect. I really need to try a pantoum myself one day…

By: ravenswingpoetry

ravenswingpoetry — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 20:00:27 +0000

Hello Rob:

Exactly. I felt the original needed more to tell the whole story. I’m glad you liked it. Incidentally, this was written with a composite man in mind: I was thinking of Slash from Guns N’ Roses and Jim Morrison when I wrote this piece. Ironically, I am drawn to musicians too – my first husband played keyboard/piano and my fiance plays anything that has a keyboard on it (organ, piano, accordion…).

Thanks for commenting and stopping by.

-Nicole

By: Rob Kistner

Rob Kistner — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 19:50:15 +0000

I really like this revision. It added depth to the focus of the piece. As mariacristina said, there is an immediacy in the original, which is engaging — but the second feels more complete.

“A romantic search for the blue fifth note
leads to many bedroom stages;
but I wonder – who is really playing who
in these one-night-only engagements?”

Especially well written, this stanza above.

I related strongly to this work, given the two decades (60′s & 70′s) I enjoyed as lead singer in several rock and roll bands. We loved our ‘ladies of the road’, oh yes we did…

By: ravenswingpoetry

ravenswingpoetry — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 15:47:20 +0000

Thank you, mariacristina. I didn’t expect that someone would like both of them, but I’m glad you did. Thanks for your details comments and for stopping by.

-Nicole

By: mariacristina

mariacristina — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 02:11:35 +0000

The second version is a more controlled poem, more formal, and like a song. You have worked the pantoum to the poem’s advantage! What I like about the first poem is the way the narrator jumps into the metaphor of the guitar strings, wheras in the pantoum there is more of a distance with the use of the simile. So I guess I like both poems, the first for its immediacy, the second for it’s control of language.

By: ravenswingpoetry

ravenswingpoetry — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 20:20:03 +0000

Thank you, Nathan! You’re making me blush…

I wanted a full exploration and a detailed warning instead of just a few words, and using the pantoum seemed to lead me in that direction as I wrote it.

This one seemed to be the one from the vaults that screamed for revision the most.

Thanks for stopping by…

-Nicole

By: nathan1313

nathan1313 — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 20:14:25 +0000

A great revision. From the wonderful first stanza you can tell this is going to be a whole different piece. The images are focused and detailed and your use of the form is masterful it’s truly the canvas you paint on as it should be.

By: ravenswingpoetry

ravenswingpoetry — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 16:43:32 +0000

Wow. Thanks for your honest assessment and the compliments. “To the Musician” was written four years ago. It’s amazing to find out how time and maturity changes everything, including writing and perspective.

-Nicole