I’m Half Here
This was written for Three Word Wednesday; today’s three words were: inappropriate, order, and shortcut. This was also inspired by this post I read on Paisley’s blog, “My Rose”. Enjoy.
*There is a video of me reading this on YouTube!*
-Nicole
I’m half here. The half of me that is here functions robotically as an android on autopilot, following in exact order a set of preprogrammed instructions: get up, shower, dress, apply makeup, style her hair, eat breakfast, go to work, go home, cook dinner, and eat. At the end of this daily sequence, she falls into her soft bed, all the while hoping it will turn into a cotton soft cloud and she will awake the next morning in Heaven above instead of on Earth below. I read her programming and try to pen poetry from gems hidden in its ordinary, everyday dirt.
I’m half here. The other half that is not here journeys as far as her mind will take her. She has taken shortcuts through the astral plane to get to her marvelous midnight – and daylight – destinations. She has visited every corner of the world, in every era of time since humans could tell stories, link to link, through epic poetic chains or written histories penned by men and women lucky enough to have been taught how to read and write. She has watched ravens roost atop of the tower of London. She has strolled down the Champs-Elyseés and drunk in the beautiful mad mélange of cafés, shops, and people ranging from the common to the fabulous to the freaks. She saw Cleopatra sacrifice her life on the fangs of a cobra. She saw Simon Peter in his darkest hour deny Jesus as he walked the silent bloody path to his crucifixion. She watched Ghandi survey the blood-soaked ground of Amritsar. And she has seen much more than this. These exploits are stamped into her brain; I pull them off in long filmstrip rolls to examine the content of her journeys and then sing what she’s seen in lines of poetry.
I’m half here. Yet, I know that it’s inappropriate to keep on half-living. The android wants to have the fun that I’ve denied her by relegating her to live the cold gray instructions of an autopilot life. The adventurer’s brain is now drained of color and dream, and she needs rest. I know that someday, I must somehow unite the android with the adventurer, the flesh with the spirit, the responsible woman with the insane, whimsical kook – and take them both with me, wherever I go.
Written 7/9/08
© 2008 Nicole Nicholson. All Rights Reserved.
it is always amazing the feeling of resonance we can find in a anthers words or written piece,, something that can bring us to the fore,, and cause us to see that no matter how robotic or android we may feel,, we are never truly alone in feeling that way…
i thank you ever so much for traveling back in time with me,, and taking me with you… i think i really need to revisit that post right now myself…..
Thank you, Paisley. I stumbled on your post from Rose Dewy Knickers and read it…and connected it to how I’ve been feeling lately.
Thank you for the inspiration.
-Nicole
if not for the mind that can imagine, we would be nothing less than androids. i liked this very much….very much.
and i loved the picture you attached with it…
Thank you, Rebecca.
-Nicole
i really liked this. i found it very intriguing and engaging especially the middle paragraph. i’m afraid that i’m half here too except when i write.
I really enjoyed reading this.
Sometimes it does seem as if life goes on more in one’s head than outwardly. I love bringing imagination and the here-and-now together; very satisfying.
The artwork reminds me of the animated movie, Castle in the Sky by Hayao Miyazaki.
Thank you for stopping by, Lissa and Joyce.
This is how I end up living life if I’m not careful.
-Nicole
This was absolutely WONDERFUL! One of my faves this week and it makes total sense for inspiration for this to come from PIA (she is one of my FAve writers!) I loved the duality of this, the hypnotic wrestling between what is and what we would like to be…the final resolution to one day unite the two- we all live with this dichotomy between duty, responsibilty, lack of choice and freedom, therefore this was such a delight to read!
My 3ww is called Growing an Ocean’s Tail – I would love to know what you think!
http://amarettogirl.squarespace.com/the-written-word/
I like the line about it being inappropriate to only half live. Sometimes I think that’s what a lot of us do, all the time. Something to think about.
Thank you for stopping by, AmarettoGirl and TC. I think most of us have the struggle between the two sides of us, and I think most of us do choose to half live. And it is sad.
-Nicole
I have been feeling like that lately…
long and short of it
I think we all do from time to time.
Thanks for stopping by, Gautami.
-Nicole
No idea how I found your site or this post, but what a delight.
I just read and watched this–especially grabbed by your “try to pen poetry from gems hidden in its ordinary, everyday dirt.” Perfectly said.