*There is a video of me reading this on YouTube!*
I’m half here. The half of me that is here functions robotically as an android on autopilot, following in exact order a set of preprogrammed instructions: get up, shower, dress, apply makeup, style her hair, eat breakfast, go to work, go home, cook dinner, and eat. At the end of this daily sequence, she falls into her soft bed, all the while hoping it will turn into a cotton soft cloud and she will awake the next morning in Heaven above instead of on Earth below. I read her programming and try to pen poetry from gems hidden in its ordinary, everyday dirt.
I’m half here. The other half that is not here journeys as far as her mind will take her. She has taken shortcuts through the astral plane to get to her marvelous midnight – and daylight – destinations. She has visited every corner of the world, in every era of time since humans could tell stories, link to link, through epic poetic chains or written histories penned by men and women lucky enough to have been taught how to read and write. She has watched ravens roost atop of the tower of London. She has strolled down the Champs-Elyseés and drunk in the beautiful mad mélange of cafés, shops, and people ranging from the common to the fabulous to the freaks. She saw Cleopatra sacrifice her life on the fangs of a cobra. She saw Simon Peter in his darkest hour deny Jesus as he walked the silent bloody path to his crucifixion. She watched Ghandi survey the blood-soaked ground of Amritsar. And she has seen much more than this. These exploits are stamped into her brain; I pull them off in long filmstrip rolls to examine the content of her journeys and then sing what she’s seen in lines of poetry.
I’m half here. Yet, I know that it’s inappropriate to keep on half-living. The android wants to have the fun that I’ve denied her by relegating her to live the cold gray instructions of an autopilot life. The adventurer’s brain is now drained of color and dream, and she needs rest. I know that someday, I must somehow unite the android with the adventurer, the flesh with the spirit, the responsible woman with the insane, whimsical kook – and take them both with me, wherever I go.
© 2008 Nicole Nicholson. All Rights Reserved.