Bigfoot Did It by PKer 99

This week’s Read Write Poem Prompt was “It’s All About the First Line.” We participants all donated a first line for other poets to use as a first line to write their poem with. I chose the line, “when Godzilla flattens your car on Monday morning,” donated by John of Transylvanian Dutch. I haven’t been writing much humorous poetry lately, but I hope you get a laugh out of this. Enjoy.

-Nicole

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When Godzilla flattens your car on Monday morning,
don’t call me. I am an exterminator of
strange creatures, both large and small –
but I do not handle

giant lizards.

I can’t even say who you’d call. That
half-stepping Chihuahua with his wack-ass
box-on-a-stick-tied-to-a-string booby-trap
would not be my first choice, and Superman’s
on vacation. Dream claims he ain’t responsible,
and Death – she only handles cases of the
human variety. I hear the X-Men are tied up
fighting their own battles. And don’t even

think

of asking Jim Morrison. He sang about
lizards, but he won’t come back from
the dead to exterminate them for you.

So when Godzilla flattens your car on Monday morning,
I don’t know what to tell you –
but don’t be calling me. I got my hands full, lady.
I’ve got

overgrown radioactive beavers
building toxic waste drum dams
and damming up the river.
(Damn rodents.)
I’ve got

mosquitoes the size of small dogs
chasing toddlers two neighborhoods over.
And I got

a house infested with green slime
and strange spectral disturbances
over on 14th Street. I tell ‘em to call
the Ghostbusters – but who gets the call?
Me. Who has to go over to the house
dressed in full HAZMAT gear and
dragging a Catholic priest along for
protection? Me. Who got some
sliming-looking motherfucker
jumping out of the walls and
threatening to turn his
nut sack into a wallet? Me.
So when Godzilla flattens your car on Monday morning,

lady,
don’t call me.
I can’t do a thing for you.
All I can tell you to do
is just sit back, relax,
and watch the destruction.

Written 3/24/09
© 2009 Nicole Nicholson except for the line “when Godzilla flattens your car on Monday morning,” donated by John of Transylvanian Dutch. All Rights Reserved on all original material by N. Nicholson.

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