Comments on: Carnival

By: Father and Christ « Raven's Wing Poetry

Father and Christ « Raven's Wing Poetry — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 14:01:25 +0000

[...] Rather than delve from a personal experience, I chose to write another poem in the same series as “Carnival”, “Nagual”, this untitled poem, “Jigsaw”, and [...]

By: tamra at laughingdove

tamra at laughingdove — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 08:15:54 +0000

You also evoke Halloween with this spooky carnival experience. Thanks for sharing!

By: Crmsonbyrd

Crmsonbyrd — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 14:03:02 +0000

I really enjoyed your take on this prompt! The imagery was delightful, and you still painted a sort of story with it as well, and that depth just made it that much more enjoyable. I really liked the line “a fountain spray of candy-colored fire
blooms in the black”~ What a delicious way to describe fireworks!

By: wayne

wayne — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:02:10 +0000

nice spin and ride….”fountain spin of candy-colored fire”..especially like that….thanks for sharing this

By: Cynthia Short

Cynthia Short — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 13:13:07 +0000

This was a very interesting and multi-layered read. Your descriptions of the different aspects of the carnival were beautifully rendered, and then adding the last dimension of the narrator (who may be a ghost) added an entirely new dimension! Very good!

By: Irene

Irene — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 00:52:39 +0000

The narrator lurks in the shadows of carnival. Like Therese I’m like the detail of the silver buttons on his calvary coat and his need for hiding.

By: Linda

Linda — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 22:00:02 +0000

To me, the narrator of your poem is a metaphor for a carnival ride. He seems to be running in circles with no purpose except to try to remember who he is. The imagery is very vivid. The smells are realistically described. Thank you for sharing this poem, Nicole. i really enjoyed it!

By: davidmoolten

davidmoolten — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:48:19 +0000

I really like the solitude of the narrator of this; there’s such a presence of night amid the crowd, loneliness, and an inability by the narrator to gauge himself by those around him; he’s very detached and is desperate to orient himself, which he can only do
with the moon. But unlike in celestial navigation, here it doesn’t seem to help, his surreal, garish surroundings have confined him. This is strong, detailed and well described, the picture of his alienation very palpable.

By: Derrick

Derrick — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:42:33 +0000

I love your reference to “this molasses crowd” and “Maybe a face will erase/the veil that stands guard in front of my pre-peripatetic memories”

By: poetryaboutart

poetryaboutart — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:39:39 +0000

This are some of my favorite lines–
“The silver buttons
of my cavalry coat clink a rattled tune of flat chimes. Only I
hear their music. It calls me
to disappear, to find another open mouth of shadow”
–Therese L. Broderick