Were it not for my mad
paint and canvas soliloquies, odes to this world,
haiku of scenery, and elegies of the dead,
you might never notice me at all. I’d move
soundlessly through your world like a flesh wrapped ghost –
buttoned down, broken lips, dismissed
as the man with a vacant mind and no voice;
a rocking horse man, a bird man
flapping arms like Alcatraz cannot hold him. If I were any older,
I might have been a man of closets, of white walls, or of
padded rooms. Or the trickster Coyote as man, accused of
holding demons in my limbs, of
trapping my glances and gazes in my eyes out of avarice,
of letting speech ferment in my mouth out of spite,
and of walking in soulless shoes.

Can you pull your souls out of your shoes
for just a door crack of a moment, just to see
what kinds of colors I have picked up from your world?
Years ago, you had banished the black from your lunch counters;
corralled the red into wastes of dry death land;
built the railroads out of yellow bones and broken ties;
made pale fragile souls from the green land
scrape streets with bare bones fingers;
shoved the rainbow strange behind charcoal prison bars – and now,
you look at me and see nothing but puzzle pieces, ribbons, and
a cause.

Listen carefully: I am not green
like the dollars you raise to cure me,
or sable like the pocketbooks you pity me with,
or white like the institutional walls
you used to sentence us to live within
like some dry, dead ghosts that you cannot exorcise. But
I walk this earth in canvas shoes, paint splattered like a motley skin –
and the black, red, yellow, and rainbow
have imprinted their umbra of fallen colors
upon my soul. I might only possess the eloquence of paint,
flapping arms, or touch screen, text-to-speech oratory –
and sometimes, the branches of the speech nerves in my brain
become too brittle and shatter, breaking off and flying away
as wordless screams. But I am no less a man, and
I contain multitudes of words, breath, and colors.
I will not march to demand your notice,
and I will not hold signs to demand your respect. Know that
I am comfortable with silence and my unexplained brain wiring –
but I must ask you one question:
are you comfortable with me?

Written 2/5/12 and 2/6/12
© 2012 Nicole Nicholson. All Rights Reserved.
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This poem is for We Write Poems Prompt #92, Big Shoes, suggested by Donald Habour. The prompt is about civil rights. I kept having the image of shoes floating through my mind, and then the non-verbal autistic painter who first appeared in “This Is Not Magic” rose to the surface to speak. I was also further inspired by this CBS News broadcast in late 2011 about the use of iPads to help non-verbal autistics communicate. And I hope you enjoyed the poem.

-Nicole
—————————————————-
Follow @ravenswingpoet

Stumble It!

A Day on the Spectrum
October 9, 2011
The Curious Cup
Carpinteria, CA

Artists scheduled to appear include poet Sydney Edmond, visual artist Dani Bowman, and Arrest My Sister (with lead singer Scott Spiegel, who is on the spectrum) will be appearing. Click here for a flyer with more information about the exhibit.

I wanted to help get the word out about several upcoming exhibits from The Art of Autism. The next edition of the book will be coming out next year. In the past, the book has featured visual art — the next edition will feature poetry as well…including one of my poems. Details to follow.

Here are each of the upcoming shows in which The Art of Autism or those featured in it will be participating:

Neurodiversity Exhibit – Artists on the Spectrum. The exhibit runs from September 19 – October 24 at the Curious Cup Bookstore in Carpinteria, CA . A book signing for artist Dani Bowman and Poet Sydney Edmond will be held on October 9 1:00 – 3:00 PM. More info and a flyer about the October 9 event here.

ARS Spectra – This exhibit opens October 27 and runs for three weeks at Soho Digital Art Gallery in Manhattan. Debra Hosseini will be holding a book signing on October 27 ay 6:00 PM and an Art of Autism entertainment show on October 28. Additionally, Esther Brokaw will be giving lecture on Savant Syndrome on October 27. More info and a flyer here.

The Art of Autism – This exhibit will run November 4, 5, and 6 at The Good Purpose Gallery in Lee, Massachusetts.  Debra Hosseini will be holding a book signing November 4 and 5. There will also be an Art of Autism entertainment show — Spectrum Theater November 5. Esther Brokaw will also be giving a lecture on Savant Syndrome on November 6.

There will also be a fundraiser for the Santa Barbara Art Foundation and the Santa Barbara Library. Debra Hosseini will be holding a book signing October 9 at Gallerie 113 La Arcada in Santa Barbra on Thursday, October 6th from 5 – 8 pm and a private reception on Sunday October 9th from 2- 4 pm.

I will be part of the Art of Autism exhibit in November. Stay tuned for more details.

If you live near any of these venues, I encourage you to visit and see. Like Awe in Autism, the Art of Autism is also dedicated to showcasing the artist talents of autistic people.

-Nicole

The segment has been posted on MyLITV’s website in two videos. Part 1 features Awe In Autism, its founders (Deborah French and Kim Covell), and some of the work featured on the site, include the excerpt of my poem. Part 2 features “for dylan”, a song and music video which the founders call “the song behind the Awe in Autism” project.

In and amongst this bit of news and self-promotion, I feel the need to express a couple of things. First of all, if I haven’t said it before, my thanks and gratitude go to Awe in Autism for giving the opportunity for my poetry, namely “You Don’t See It”, to be featured on their site. AWE has given many autistic artists, musicians, poets, and others an opportunity to have their work seen, heard, and accessed. Also, as Kim Covell states in the first video, artists with autism often have a harder time self-promoting, and while I’ve gotten used to it thanks to the Internet, I must say I still find the task daunting sometimes. I am grateful for the opportunity for my work to reach a wider audience and go beyond this blog thanks to AWE.

Secondly, as I have said before, “You Don’t See It” is probably my best statement and expression to the world of what having Aspergers/being autistic is like. The experience of self-discovery and acceptance has been joyful and at times painful and overwhelming — but probably the most significant thing I could say is that is has been enlightening. And through it all, the craft of writing and poetry have been a conduit and a means for this journey.

Writing is my native language. I am much, much better at the written word than I am at oral communication: there are times that my tongue fails, but praise God my pen does not. This is part of my reality as an autistic person, and is true for many others. The poetry helps me say what sometimes my lips cannot. I hope I have given you, the readers of RWP, at least a glimpse or a peek at what that reality — and my reality as a whole — is. I also hope that through the poetry on this page that I have reached you, moved you, made you think, and most of all, made you feel.

Finally, please consider not only watching the videos of the segment but visiting Awe in Autism to see the vast, wonderful spectrum of art by creative and talented autistic individuals. I can promise you that you will not be disappointed, but amazed at the breadth of expression the site has to offer.

Saludos,

Nicole
——————————————————————————

Stumble It!

This was written for Poefusion’s Monday Mural prompt this week. Enjoy.

-Nicole

—————————————

she gazes heavenward
frozen, arms stretched to the sky

she was constructed here
a garbage golem
a junk-formed Abraham
pleading for the life
of her little strand of land

whoever left her here
knows

the clock is ticking
and soon
one form of garbage
may replace another

where will the landfill be
that houses the junk produced
by another wanton strip mall beast?

at least Lot’s wife
was allowed the sparse dignity
to become a salt pillar statue

what will become of her
this garbage supplicant
pleading for the life
of Albany Bulb?

Written 8/10/08
© 2008 Nicole Nicholson. All Rights Reserved.

Stumble It!

This poem is for Poefusion’s Monday Mural, written as a Spenserian sonnet. Enjoy.

-Nicole
————————————————-
I try to decode the mysterious
message written in the half-random lines
scrawled on the subway wall like delirious
poetry in an unknown tongue: no signs

of meaning are immediately mine
to understand, no obvious language
to interpret from this summit of lines,
squares, and jots. Did screams of pain not assuaged

by comfort become hopelessly lodged
in the drawer’s throat? Was this a love poem
rewritten in frustration from dislodged,
secret affection? An unknown custom

captured in subway cave art? I don’t know;
I’m out of time now – to work I must go.

Written 6/23/08
©2008 Nicole Nicholson. All Rights Reserved.

Stumble It!

Written 4/29/08
© 2008 Nicole Nicholson. All Rights Reserved.

Smoke on my neck
Fire on my heels
I dash across these pages,
Running like a mad woman,

Lest the dragon-critic
GULP
Then belch forth Hell, the Inferno,
In her breath

And destroy my art
Before it leaves my pen.

Written 2/26/2008

© 2008 Nicole Nicholson. All Rights Reserved.