NaPoWriMo Poem #25: Greeting

I have tried to kill myself in
so many ways. First, I tried a Chinese method. One day,
I heard glass shattering apart the stars and I
stood beneath the storm. Here was Far Arden,
breaking itself apart and dropping jagged diamonds
into my skin: a thousand cuts, and I’d be gone. But instead,
it left trails of tracks to follow up my arms and
beyond my mind, which is a lizard,
cowering under rocks,
frightened and ancient.

Next, I tried bleeding onto
notebook paper. The method is simple. Draw roads up
your rivers: vessels, arteries, veins. Open up underground tributaries
with the edge of a knife. Bisect the Nile in vertical until
no dam can contain it. Then, drip red deltas onto
every page until the sun disappears itself
and you only know black: the evidence will be
the red-stained pages still in your hand. But
I found out that blood recreates itself,
and that life with not let you go so easily.

Last, I chose and tried-and-true method: fire. There is
a way you can write letters to the world with
your own burning skin. You might even look
magnificent when you do it, like something holy,
like seraphim without the wings. But I found out that
you always grow new skin and that you
really do have wings. The Phoenix has known this
since reptile skin gave birth to feathers,
but she knows that you must learn this on your own.

I keep thinking that I was born to say goodbye. I’ve hid
exits under my tongue, waiting for the sky to dissolve
and the midnight curtain to drop away. But
it never happens, and I am now a winged creature made out of
star shrapnel, endless blood rivers, and flames. But at least
the lizard mind has crawled out to sun itself under
the light of the fire on my back, and I have learned
how to find hello:

it was in the back of my throat,
stuck speech trapped inside a forest of vocal chords,
a refugee waiting for asylum in the open air. And now, it is time to
free it. After all, it is what I was really made out of
all along.

Written 1/28/10 and 4/26/10
© 2010 Nicole Nicholson. All Rights Reserved.

This poem is #25 written for NaPoWriMo 2010, and for NaPoWriMo Prompt #26: Get Scrappy over at Read Write Poem. I took a scrap of a poem that I tried to write in January, and turned it into two poems: this one and “Box”. I hope you enjoyed the read.

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About ravenswingpoetry

I am a 38 year old writer from Columbus, OH and the creator of Raven's Wing Poetry. I am a poet, seeker, fellow traveler, and autistic.
This entry was posted in NaPoWriMo 2010, Poems, Prompt Poems and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to NaPoWriMo Poem #25: Greeting

  1. pamela says:

    Nicole I love the imagery in this piece.

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